THE JOYS OF PARANOIA

Here goes for the second day of my blogging career. And they said it wouldn’t last.

I’m still feeling my way about the process and as I learn to grope my way around the design site I’ll be making a number of changes, some of them intentional.

As a guide to my own obsessions I’ve added a list of other blogs that I follow. If that is a breach of ethics convention  blogiquete  good manners I’ll be happy to apologise.

Please feel free to leave comments in the space below. My aim is to reply to them all.

There is no idea so stupid that nobody will believe it (although, as George Orwell said, there are some things so ridiculous that only an intellectual will believe them). Have a look, for instance, at the Flat Earth Society http://www.theflatearthsociety.org/ . Now whether these people genuinely believe what they say or are only pulling our legs, I don’t know. One piece of evidence that they are genuine loonies is the word “globularist” that they toss around so blithely. It’s my opinion that if you want to be a genuine fanatic it helps to have an “...ist” word as an all-purpose term of abuse meaning “a person whose opinions differ from mine”. Some words ending in “ism” or “ist”  may once have had a meaning (“racist” for example) but mostly they have been so contorted by years of bubbling out of the mouths of imbeciles that they no longer serve any good purpose.  When I become dictator I will announce my own coined word: “ismist”, meaning “a person who coins a word ending in “ism” or “ist” to foster the illusion that his opponents are dickheads.  What’s more, I’ll make my word compulsory. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

As well as becoming the scourge of the ismists I have plans to come down heavily on the use of the word “denier”, meaning not a unit of measurement for nylon stockings but - you guessed it- “a person whose opinions differ from mine”.

Do you know the Young Earth Creationists?  Have look at ‘em at http://youngearth.com/ !!! The examples they use to prove their point are hilarious. And while they don’t, as far as I can see, have an ism word (a serious blow to their credibility) they do have a catch phrase which can be dropped into every ritualistic denunciation of their opponents. It is “biased old-earth”. So we have “biased old-earth Wikipedia” or “the biased old-earth community”. This reminds me of the good old days when the Communist Party split into two factions: on the one hand the Communist Party of Australia (Marxist Leninist), which was essentially Ted Hill and three blokes from the pub; on the other  the Communist Party of Australia (everybody else). Ted Hill could never utter or write the official name of his tormentors. To him they were always “the Aarons revisionist clique”.

There are a few good indicators that a theory is bunkum. They are not infallible but they are a pretty good guide.

• When a theory is no longer able to appeal to a rational mind it changes its name. Thus  creationism becomes intelligent design; global warming becomes climate change.
• When the number of pop singers and film stars espousing a cause reaches a critical level (it’s three, by the way) the cause deserves to be laughed at. It will come as no surprise that I’m a big fan (or as my mate Donald would say, “A yuge fan”) of the Chinese occupation of Tibet.

KIERKEGAARD SYNDROME

I once read that Soren Kierkegaard got upset when he was described as the greatest philosopher in Denmark. Apparently he thought that such faint praise didn't do him justice. I hope the story is true. It's the most endearing thing I've ever heard about him. For years now I've kept an eye out for examples of what I call Kierkegaard Syndrome  - people or institutions that are described in a similar way, as big frogs in very small ponds.

Adelaide, where I now live, is rich in examples of this cultural phenomenon and I hope to post some from time to time. This morning, for instance I came upon the following:

Now "Adelaide's Premier Rope Supplier" is, on the face of it, a pretty lame claim to fame, although you might argue that South Australia's proud record of exotic murders gains it a little more credibility.
A mile or so down the road is:

The "West Side" in this context doesn't mean a sophisticated retail precinct but the extremely dull western suburbs of Adelaide. The sign (and its attached shop) are in an ordinary suburban street. The boast so proudly displayed is unlikely to be challenged.

One of my Sydney correspondents (thanks, V!) recently told me that she saw Mitchell Johnson's (presumably ghosted) autobiography advertised on a bus stop as "The most eagerly awaited cricket biography of 2016!". That surely counts,  the average cricket biography being hardly more cutting edge than a rank-and-file Danish philosopher.

So you see the pattern. Please send me any examples that come to your attention.

I have a couple of other syndromes to reveal when the time is ripe. Parker Syndrome, for instance, almost universal among journalists, first came to me years ago while I was watching McHale's Navy. Stay tuned.